Summer is here and planning activities for all four kids is a bit….overwhelming. I found myself wanting to kick myself in the leg for NOT signing them up for a camp from 8am until 5pm. In the midst of having a meltdown, Google became my best friend and I found tons of FREE things to do for all their ages. The Library has so many activities and crafts, so of course we will become regulars at every branch in a 15 mile radius. On top of the library, there were a list of museums, parks, and of course the beach.
I always try to not take trips to the beach because I hate sand. It gets everywhere. Kids complain about the sand. I complain about it and it really ruins my mood. I have to pack and unpack, shower every kid, looking over every part of their body to make sure nothing has been missed. I also have to comb out their curly, thick, beautiful hair to be sure no sand (or creature) decided to make it their home. And for weeks on end there is sand everywhere. I also knew that my husbands work schedule was increasingly busy during the day and he would in no way be able to join us to help tackle my overwhelming fear of sand, the emotion of loosing a child or the feeling that one of my children will drown.
But in an effort to challenge my own fears and to get us out of the library. I packed up three bags. One for clothes and towels, one with snacks and a first aid kit, and the last full of their park toys. All morning I recited to the kids but mostly for my own benefit that the beach was fun but we had to be careful. Reminding them to stay by my side and not too close to the water. In the car, I kept talking aloud (to myself) about how nice the weather is and the waves weren’t going to be too high. Again, calming my own thoughts.
We arrive. Score close parking. We unload and walk over. Only we walk to the wrong side of the beach where the tide is high and there is no place for us to settle down. So we walk back up and around..It felt like the longest walk. Not only did we all have a bag, but I also carried a whining Jax. I’m sure he is at least 30 pounds and I know he is half my height. The sun was burning me, all of us! I was sure that Kailah was going to get lost because her focus was on the view and not on our path. I had to ask her to grab hold of my dress, so that added more weight. Lezaiah, in all of her helpfulness, kept talking about God only knows and Noah who has gotten a lazy spirit, was complaining about the bag he was carrying, which actually was the lightest one out of the three! And of course I was wondering why I didn’t cancel the plans for the day… #MOMlife at its finest.
But when we made it to the right spot, where the tide was low enough for us to settle in. For me to finally take in the view, and be released from the weight of two children. I felt victory. No one was lost. The water was calm and inviting. My kids were excited to be there. It wasn’t as bad as my mind made it seem.
I dropped our bags, set up our blanket and gave the kids their toys then ravished in my “setting the bar high” standard of what #momlife will mean for me when it comes to conquering fears and anxiety.
I had to take a victory selfie. I was out of breath, burning hot from walking in the sand with what feels like a small daycare. I wanted to remember what being a conqueror felt like so that anytime I forget, I can pull up this image.
I won on Thursday and wanted to share my victory. You too can conquer that fear, override anxiety and live outside of your comfort.
You too, can win.