Jax had bacon and a cup of rice. A few pear slices. A handful of cheerios. Lastly, a bowl of left over pasta with spinach! It was only 9:30am and he had eaten all of that. I could cry. I literally felt like I wanted to sit and just cry. I know, he ate, something everyone does, but for me, today, I celebrate feeling victorious because tomorrow may be different. Tomorrow he may only want to eat white rice and almonds. To anyone else, this may not be important, but to me, this is something that has been so frustrating. Trying to get Jax to eat food has been my main priority the last several weeks. My main focus somedays is just to have him eat his vegetables, just for him to TRY a little of his dinner.
Doctors, moms, friends, family, they all say “It’ll be OK, wait it out, he will eat when he is ready, don’t worry about it, he is big anyway!” What I would hear is, “Keep going insane.” Then I would get those emails about milestones, you know the ones they send from BabyCenter that track growth, development and send cute things like “What your 2 year old should be doing” or “Foods your 2 year old should be eating,” and I begin feeling like crap all over again. I would read those little blurbs and think, “Well he isn’t doing that, or eating that. Well, I haven’t even thought of that or maybe I can do that better,” until today, today I saw a little email and hit UNSUBSCRIBE.
Let me tell you something. It felt GOOD. It feels freeing. Free from the status quo of motherhood, of parenting, of living in another lane, when this is the lane given to me. I am tired of comparing my child or children for that matter, to what society says they should look like, be like or what they should be doing. Tired of trying to be anything other than who I am as a mother, and some days I am that mother who gives their 2 year old M&M’s because I have tried ALL day to get him to eat a meal. It just so happens that I felt God’s presence so heavy on me as I sat and fed Jax his pasta. (Yes, no worship music or prayer closet, I felt the presence of God right on my couch, with Jurassic World playing in the back ground and Jax chopping away) I felt comforted knowing that I am doing everything I can, that I am using wisdom, that I am researching and meal planning, and because of that I was ready to feed Jax when he was ready to eat. I was prepared.
See, sometimes we miss the planning and preparing of things when we are so caught up in what is not happening in our lives. We are SO overtaken by what everyone else is doing, what people are saying WE should be doing, that we forget to first consult God and second to prepare. To get things in line so that when God moves, we are ready. I took something as little as me having all these foods on hand as being prepared for Jax when he was ready to eat, and today, thank God, was the day he sat down and ate! With God, I am trying to do the same. I am trying to be fully prepare so I won’t miss out on my chance with God, my chance to experience Him fully. I had to unsubscribe to some things causing me to doubt my ability. The very things that were doing harm to me, not helping me prepare for the day when he actually would eat!
For you, what are you subscribing to? Are you subscribing to so many things (people, T.V shows, Bloggers, Authors, etc) that you can’t prepare because of the overwhelming white noise of advertisements and false standards in which you keep entertaining? What is causing so much distraction that you are faithfully unprepared?
This parable came to mind:
Matthew 25 “3 For when the foolish took their lamps, they took no oil with them, 4 but the wise took flasks of oil with their lamps. 5 As the bridegroom was delayed, they all became drowsy and slept. 6 But at midnight there was a cry, ‘Here is the bridegroom! Come out to meet him.’ 7 Then all those virgins rose and trimmed their lamps. 8 And the foolish said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.’ 9 But the wise answered, saying, ‘Since there will not be enough for us and for you, go rather to the dealers and buy for yourselves.’ 10 And while they were going to buy, the bridegroom came, and those who were ready went in with him to the marriage feast, and the door was shut. 11 Afterward the other virgins came also, saying, ‘Lord, lord, open to us.’ 12 But he answered, ‘Truly, I say to you, I do not know you.’ 13 Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour.”
I challenge you to hit UNSUBSCRIBE. Get prepared and be ready to witness God in whatever your situation may be, large or small (such as Jax eating breakfast).