I guess that makes me, “uncool?”. It doesn’t surprise me. I already knew that my kids favored their dad over me but hearing it out loud was different. I felt like I had failed. Like I didn’t get picked first in line. I went through so many emotions; I was sad, angry, and hurt. Yesterday, I went to the grocery store alone (victory!) and on the way there, I drove in silence. I found myself thinking about all of my “uncool” moments. When I tell them its time for bed. When I make them eat all of their veggies at dinner or when I limit their sugar intake. I went through the times I stopped fights and sent them off to their beds for a time out. And telling them they weren’t allowed to play video games on school nights. I thought “Am I too tough on them”. “Am I too mean?” “Maybe they should be able to eat all the candy they want”. “Maybe they should be allowed to play video games until their eyes burn and fall out!”
Thankfully, I came to my senses.
Since deciding to be a full time stay at home mom, I’ve taken on the duty to be the disciplinary, the teacher, the doctor, the hairstylist and administrative assistant . I’ve taken on being the chef (complete with the meal plans and grocery shopping) as well as the person who cleans (and sets chores). I am the one that is home with the kids majority of the time and because of that I lack the “cool” factor. When we are at home, I don’t have the luxury to “play” or be “chill”. I am on a mission. A mission to help with homework, ask about their day, feed them a healthy meal, organize every school activity and try (key word) to teach them responsibility. I’m not saying that my husband doesn’t enforce rules, I am saying that because he is around less, the rules he enforces are few.
On the weekends when daddy is home, he is playful, energetic, full of adventure and well, I am… tired! LOL . I had a good talk with myself and I have accepted that I will be the “uncool” parent. It’s ok. In the long run, my kids will appreciate rules, boundaries and self control. I reminded myself of all the times they come running to me for prayer, for advice, to ask me to help them with a problem, or when they need a hug. Although I lack the cool factor; my kids know that I am the problem solver, the comforter, the one that can cuddle all the sadness away. I also am thankful that I don’t have to be everything to my kids and that Marquez and I can work as a team.
In the conversation that I had with myself, I accepted Marquez being “SO cool” and I’ve found that I’m amazing and cool which makes me “amazingly cool”….We both win.