Yesterday morning as I was listening to the radio, the topic was on being a submissive wife and working towards a healthy marriage in Christ. The first thing I thought about was “great, another “How can I be a better wife” talk show. However, I didn’t turn the radio off. I continued to listen and the one thing that has stayed with me is the one question he asked to us women viewers “How can you help your husband today?” Then he went on to say “How many of you ask this question daily and wholeheartedly listen to the Holy Spirit on ways to build him up?”
I began to reflect on my morning: I am nearly 9 months pregnant. So after rolling out of the bed (literally), getting our youngest daughter dressed for preschool and drilling our older two kids to stop playing and eat their breakfast, so we can all get out of the house at a decent time, I actually didn’t even pray. I didn’t even get a chance to turn on my worship music and so of course I didn’t think about that question! My mind was set on getting out of the house and being on time to the next thing. And then I got all defensive (something that I secretly do, am I the only one??) During what period should I have stopped and asked those questions? Should it had been at the moment I was explaining why my preschooler couldn’t wear her spider-man slippers to school that day or in between running back and forth from the kitchen making sure I didn’t burn the oatmeal. It was in that defensive moment that the Holy Spirit immediately spoke to me.
I don’t need to stop, kneel and pray every morning to hear from God. Praying is not religious, it doesn’t have a specific rulebook. The Holy Spirit dwells in me. My prayers, like in days past, haven’t been in a secret place with music and me crying out to him for hours. I was reminded that prayer takes place everywhere and that I have no excuse to not include my husbands needs (spiritually) in prayer even if it’s a quick “Jesus, how can I help him today”, I was convicted. Not convicted in the sense that I am a bad wife and now I can indulge in a pity party, more so, that I need to take time out to really ask God, “How I can be a help to my husband”.
Both my husband and I work and I admit that I take for granted that he is just as tired after a long day at work as I am. I take for granted that he may need to sit on the couch and do absolutely nothing. I have to admit that when I see him after a long work day, I unload all of the things about our children’s needs, weekend plans and a full list of what needs to be done around the house before baby number four arrives; never stopping to acknowledge the Holy Spirit and ask, “What can I do to help him right now?” It’s taking myself out of the equation and being so self-LESS that I can build him up right in that moment, regardless of how my day has went. Whether it’s giving him extra time to unwind, or not complaining when he turns the TV on, in that moment allowing the Holy Spirit to give me ways to be a “help”.
We’ll be together for 10 years tomorrow and married for 9 year come October and this road of marriage hasn’t been the easiest! But I have come to the realization that things like these talk shows are ways for God to speak wisdom to us in order to build us up. God wants every marriage that he puts together, to stay that way. He uses these things to tell us when we need to add or take things out of our lives. Asking this simple question “How can I be a help to my husband,” could not only benefit our marriage but it could also create a habit where we both are meeting each others needs and it’s done genuinely. If I have created a habit of asking Jesus to help ME sort out my day, I’m sure adding in this extra question wouldn’t be too much for him to answer. I believe the Holy Spirit can lead me in wholeheartedly helping my husband everyday, I’m sure he would tell me exactly what to do and when to do it.
I encourage you, wives and those who aspire to be wives, to create in yourself a habit where you wholeheartedly ask the Holy Spirit ways to be a help and not a distraction.
“Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”
Gen 2:18 (NLT)