Reflections, The Mommy Diaries

Breaking off the chain: link by link.

Being a mother of 3 you learn a lot about yourself. The good, bad and the ugly pieces that have been hidden in your personality usually comes to light right around the time your child is 2 or 3 years old. The characteristics that are passed down through genetics aren’t just eye color and height. It goes much deeper than that and learning God’s word I have been able to notice that there are chains that need to be broken off of myself as well as my children. These chains that come from generation after generation that prohibit us from being all that God has called us to be.  The one chain that I want to focus on is- Anger.

As a teenager, I had always known that I was quick to anger. I could go from 0-60 in no time. I would yell, want to hit things, throw things, etc. You know, regular teenage tantrums. However, my older brother was like a light switch. Anger was always at his door. It was something that he would wake up with and lay down with. This chain may not have weighed as heavy on me as him, however, this chain has resurfaced and has linked up with my son, Noah.

 Noah smile

   We didn’t really understand the depth of Noah’s anger until he entered preschool. Up until then, his “temperament” was like many other children his age. He shared his toys, he whined, he cried, he smiled and played. However, things started to changed dramatically during his preschool years. At the age of 3, he would get calls home about his behavior. The calls went from every other week to almost everyday. Conversations with his teachers always led back to the topic of him being “so angry” and “snapping” on other children. As a mother, I defended my son. (Our first defense, right?) There must be something wrong with the other children, because MY child is perfect. No. There was something wrong. Noah was angry at 3 years old. But it wasn’t due to his up bringing or because he was neglected. After reaching out to a play therapist, praying and seeking wisdom from God as well as other parents, Noah was dealing with his emotional the only way he knew how, by acting them out. He didn’t quite understand “I need space” or to say “Leave me alone”. He was in an environment that triggered his inability to control his emotions and if people struggle with that in their 20’s, imagine how he felt at 3 years old.

Learning this about our son, we went through so many teacher conferences, one on one meetings and of course praying over him and the situation. As parents and teachers we tried as much as we could to support him. I begin to take it to the Lord, the only thing I could do. My prayer for Noah was that he learn self control and that God would speak to him in those places I couldn’t. I wanted so badly to take his anger from him because I witness how hurt he was.  When he said “is something wrong with me?” I swear my heart broke. Every mother’s worst fear is for their child to think that and for him to think it at such a young age! I was devastated.Each time we got a call, we sat Noah down and talked to him. We told him that we weren’t angry with him, he wasn’t in trouble and reminded him that we loved him. We explained that his emotions were normal but he had to try and remember to deal with him differently. We always reminded him about his options to walk away, get help, tell a teacher, practice ignoring and to pray. It seems like for months this was something we talked to him about weekly. Slowly he improved. He used his words more. He communicated with his teachers and even his friends when things got him “mad”. His teachers came up with awesome tools to help soothe his emotions and began implementing preventative measures to ensure his safety.  However, no matter how many steps he took forward, whenever he had a tough day, I felt like I failed him. Whenever I got super frustrated, I never stopped believing that at least God was speaking to him and that God would do something, eventually.

Then something amazing happened.  Last month, May, I’m sitting outside of my class reviewing my assignment and my phone rings. The caller ID say’s “Preschool”. Immediately I think, “Oh no, what now?” Like I mentioned, things have been improving but just like any child, they all have tough days and so before answering I prepare myself . On the line is Noah’s teacher who doesn’t want to talk to me, which is weird, instead she passes the phone to Noah. Noah says ” Mom, I’m having a hard day. Can you pray for me”. Even as I type this I get the same chills I got at that moment. I can still hear the tears in his voice and the shakiness in his body. At 5 years old, my son decided not to be quick to anger, but to reach out and call mom to pray for him.

This isn’t something I told him to do, or my husband, or even his teacher. Noah felt God’s presence. In those places that we couldn’t reach, God was able to do something miraculous. He was able to touch Noah right where he was, right in that emotion and because of that Noah made the choice to seek help in an area where he was familiar. Honestly, Noah has been thriving ever sense. We have not gotten a “behavioral phone call” since that day. It is now June. He will be graduating from preschool TOMORROW entering Kindergarten in August.  His ability to control his emotions are better than most adults I know and he is only 5.

I know that the saying is so cliche “Prayer changes things”. However, it is the truth! I prayed over my son from the moment we knew he had this chain weighing him down. I prayed for him everyday. I asked God to work in him and to touch him where we couldn’t. And I am believing that God heard my prayers and answered them RIGHT ON TIME. The journey that Noah took wasn’t just for Noah. It was for me as well. The journey from then to now for but of us was no cake walk, but God, WE made it–He made it.

God uses people in our lives to remind us of His power and glory, and their is no age requirement. You see at 3 years old, Noah had been exposed to a life of prayer and people around him to support him. Now at 5 years old, he knows that’s what he needs to do when the battle he is fighting gets too tough. My son is a prayer warrior. He is in-tune with God and when those familiar emotions up-rise, he knows where to take them! God is bringing him up to be mighty in His kingdom and because of that, that chain of anger had to be broken.

In all that we go through, you’ll never know why. But instead of asking God, “why me?”  Think to your self, “why not?” We are made in His image and so we can do all things through him who strengthens us! Because of this, my son has an increase in his faith at the age of 5 knowing that God is a deliverer. We know that  God will never fail us and He is with us at all times.

Noah Grad

I’m so inspired by what God’s plans are– although I have no idea what they are! God is breaking the chains off, link by link and by his grace alone our family will be moved into an area where our testimony will touch the lives of someone and so my prayer continues to be Yes, Lord. Have your way.

Be encouraged.


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